A Silver Dyed Gensoukyou
by Russell Satsuki
Summary: Sakata Gintoki, in his attempt to satisfy a customer, insults Yakumo Yukari of Gensoukyou. She kidnaps him and transports him to Gensoukyou. How will Gintoki fare in his journeys? Will he ever get back to his world? Read on to find out. Author's Note : Wow, a crossover between a game and an anime. This will not be easy. Please review and get your cookies and replies. Have Fun.
1. Demonic Revenge

Chapter 1 :

*The characters in this story are of two different genres; a/an manga/anime and a game*

*Doorbell rings*

"Ahh, Shinpachi, get the door. It's a customer…" I moaned with all my strength. Jump is late this week and I am devoid of energy. I havn't had customers lately so I'm pretty much bankrupt… meaning no food… Poor Sadaharu, sharing his food with me. As If I would say that! That monster needs to experience the pain of a poor owner like me taking care of him! He'd better offer me his food next time!

*Doorbell rings again*

"HORA PATSUAN!" I shouted again. But there was no answer again… Where the hell did he go? Maybe to his sister's? Ahh… I'll get the door then… there's no choice.

*Opening door*

"Ahh, if it isn't Old Man Gengai. And? What do you want? You need money to request something you know…so come back with money…" and I began to close the door. The door stopped. Gengai had held the door open.

"Oi, Gintoki. I have the money, come to my shop. I have a request" he spurted. Ahh… a request… I know I need requests right now but I'm just too lazy to do anything. Kagura's out with that monster dog and Glasses is probably dead.

I followed the old man to his workshop. This place stinks, bad. It's better than being caught by Otose though.

"Well?" I asked him lazily.

"You see that computer over there?" and Gengai pointed to a computer. "I've inserted a game inside. I'm really addicted to it already but can't beat this stage. Help me get through this stage and I'll pay you".

I smacked myself on my forehead. This was a request? Walking over to the computer, I prepared myself mentally. Strawberry milk and parfaits awaited me at the end of this journey. The computer screen displayed a mostly black screen with a few options on it. 'Touhou' hmm. I clicked on the 'Play' button. Girls are preparing, what's that about?

Aha, this is so easy. Gengai sucks. I just need to move this flat-chested character and defeat the boss huh? GA. I died. How… how could a master like me die?! My opponent… Yakumo Yukari huh. What's this? Why? Why can't I defeat her? How can a game character be so strong?! GRRRR, I WILL DEFEAT YOU. HAH, weakling.

"No character can stand up to my gaming skill. Now pay up, otaku-geezer" I gloated.

"Hai, hai" and he handed me a mere thousand yen. What a ripoff. If I charged like _Bl*ck J*ck_, I wouldn't have any customers. Anyway, I CAN BUY A PARFAIT.

*Bought a parfait*

Ah, this is the best. All the power of sugar sliding down my diabetic throat. It stands up to Jump, almost. O? A cosplayer. She's pulling it off pretty well. The costume looks familiar but… who is it? I walked over to talk to her.

"Hey you, who are you cosplaying as?" I asked blatantly.

"That's rude Mr. Sakata. Did you forget me already?" and she turned to face me.

Ah. AHH. Y-Y-Yakumo Yukari! Why is she real? I defeated her in that Touhou game. Does that mean she crawled out of the computer screen like _Sada*o_ to get revenge on me? I'm too young to die! I want to eat more sugar!

"Calm down Mr. Sakata. I cannot lie by saying I'm not here for revenge but… I'm not going to kill you. I'm just going to take you... on a nice journey… to my place".

Ah?! Is she inviting me to her house after I defeated her? Is this a trick for revenge? Or is she just a deprived M? BUT I'M AN M TOO!

"Well then Mr. Sakata, shall we?"

"Wait wait wait wait wait wait! I never said I'd follow you!"

She stood up, and put her arms around me. TOO CLOSE! I CAN FEEL YOUR B-B-B-B! Ah, my nose bled. Ah, she thinks I've accepted her offer. Ah, my life is over. She is going to rape me. Ah… at least that parfait was worth it. Wait, why won't my mouth work? Ah! It's choked with blood flowing from my nose. Ah, my legs are following her… perverted legs... they want some action before I die.

*Behind the Café where I bought the Parfait*

"Well, this place should work" said Yukari.

"W-w-w-wait! You want to do it out here? In the open? Aren't you ashamed? Are you that deprived?!"

Yukari stared at me cheekily.

"You think I'm going to sleep with you? Why would I possibly reward you for insulting me? Many people beat that stage but you… hurt my feelings".

Yukari raised her hand and pointed to blank space. The air seemed to tear apart right in front of me. D-d-d-d-dimensional gap?! Ah, I give up. This is getting more retarded than the usual _Gintama_.

"Now then, let's get going" and Yukari pointed at the dimensional gap.

"Eh? Where? Through that? Nononononono! I am not going through that gap!" I shouted in self-defense.

Yukari sighed and opened another small dimensional gap. She put her hand through it and pushed me from behind. I lost my balance and fell head-first into the gap.

I'M FALLING THROUGH THE GAP. I'm losing consciousness.

*After waking up*

Ah… where am I? My head hurts… I don't remember taking that much sugar either. This place… it looks like a shrine. Ha, this place is so old-fashioned that a shrine maiden might pop up next.

*Someone enters the room*

"Ah! A shrine maiden!"

"Who are—YUKARI!" shouted the woman in red shrine maiden clothes. "She's done it again huh… she has to stop bringing people who offend her to the shrine. Guess there's no helping it for now. You with the dead-eyes, what's your name?"

"Sa-sa-sakata Gintoki" I replied. Why am I stuttering? She is quite beautiful but she's a kid! She doesn't look any older than Patsuan and yet… why is she running this shrine?

"Gintoki. Let me explain to you what happened. You somehow offended a certain dimensional demon causing her to kidnap you and… deposit you in my shrine. Honestly I don't mind if you stay here but you won't be getting any free food from me. If you want food, work for it. O, by the way, I am Hakurei Reimu and this is the Hakurei Shrine".

Isn't this girl thirsty? It's as though she's rapping. And what's with this armpit-exposing fashion? Some kind of fetish? Is she hiding her breasts? I can't see them. O. I don't go for that but Shinpachi would! He's desperate! Why am I talking about Shinpachi here? I need to stay calm and think. How do I get back?

"How do I get back?" I asked Reimu.

"You'll need to wait till Yukari calms down. Usually her anger lasts for varying durations. What did you do to her?"

"I-I called her a weakling" I answered quite shyly. Reimu made a horribly sympathetic face. No, no! Don't make that face. That face means a lot of trouble!

"You should get comfortable here Gintoki. Here as in Gensoukyou, not this shrine. I can barely support myself and that frequent slacker. I'll allow you to stay here for tonight but if you want dinner, get to cleaning" and Reimu handed me a cloth.

*Cleaning*

Why do I have to do this? Have a heart armpit-maiden!

"If you're done there, you can come in for dinner. It's getting dark outside so finish up quick".

I finished up and walked back into the room. There were two plates set on a small table. Each plate had only a stick of three dango balls, served with a cup of green tea. THIS GIRL MIGHT BE POORER THAN ME.

"I know it's not much but this is all I have".

I bowed my head respectfully to her and picked up my stick. Ah, she's already finished her's. what speed! She's looking at mine. Stop looking at mine! She's drooling! I can't eat this! No! No don't do it! I need food!

"You can have mine too" I spurted out. What's happening to me.

"Thank you!" and Reimu snatched it from my hand without any hesitation. This girl is scary; Scarier than Kagura without sukonbu.

*Nightfall*

"I only have one futon so you sleep on the floor" blatantly stated Reimu.

I misunderstood this girl! She's as cruel as she is flat! AHHH!

I ended up sleeping on the floor. This place is so creaky. Even in another world, I still live poor. What a joke. I gotta get outta quick before they release Jump in my world!

*Morning*

I couldn't sleep. Not a wink. Not with this creaky-ass floor and that obnoxious armpit's snoring. Still, I need to leave today.

Aww, the girl is seeing me off. She thinks I'll miss her. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I'LL MISS YOU STINGY ARMPIT MAIDEN!

"Thanks for letting me stay" and I walked off into the far distance, going where my legs took me.


	2. Mansion Madness

Chapter 2 :

Ahh, three days have passed. Now where do I go? I've been wandering aimlessly since that armpit maiden chased me out… Ahh… I need a parfait right now…

Eh? What's that? It's quite far in the distance but something's definitely there!

*Sprinting*

M-m-m-m-mansion. The owner here must be loaded! Maybe he'll let me stay here for some odd jobs. A gatekeeper even? Isn't this too much for even for a mansion in the middle of nowhere?

"Excu—she's sleeping. The gate is open too. Guess I'll just enter".

*Entering Mansion*

"Sorry to be a bother…" I whispered to myself. What am I doing? What is this creepy aura in this place? It feels like I'm about to be beheaded suddenly.

"Don't move" came a feminine voice. I suddenly found myself wrapped with a slender arm holding a knife to my neck. I can't turn around to see who it is.

"Who are you?"

That's my question! Some hospitality! What's with this place? Stingy shrine maidens and killer mansions!

"S-Sakata Gintoki of Yorozuya" I said. Yorozuya?! Why mention my job here? It's not gonna help me survive this crazy place!

"Sakata Gintoki of Yorozuya, how did you pass Meiling?" she asked.

Who the hell is Meiling? Is it International-Ask-A-About-A-Random-Chinese-Person- Day?! I'm a guest so treat me like one! KYAAA!

"I-I don't know any Meiling. I just walked in".

"Tch, she must be snoozing again. I'll make sure to terminate her later".

Oi oi, isn't that a bit harsh? You want to kill her for sleeping on the job? No… Gintoki don't say anything. Their rules, I have no right to comment… DON'T!

"Isn't that a bit harsh? Killing Meiling for sleeping on the job?" I asked, stupidly.

The woman let me go. "What? You think I'm too harsh on her? Do you know how many times she's slept on the job? What if a dangerous person entered the mansion and caused harm to the Ladies? What then?"

The girl in the maid outfit seemed to lose her composure. She quickly re-adjusted blouse and stood up straight, inhaling in a deep breath. Somehow I feel like I'm being scolded by a wolf in sheep's clothing.

"Sakuya, what is all the fuss about?" asked another, younger girl, walking down the central staircase. Oi oi stop messing around. This girl has wings! She has freakin' wings! What the hell! She isn't even human! Is she going to kill me without giving me a final parfait?! At least give me strawberry milk!

"Ah, Lady Remilia, I apologize for my improper behavior". Glaring at me, "Oi, Sakata, you have bow too" she whispered with a slight intensity in her voice.

There is no way I am going to bow to a small runt like that! I won't! I absolutely will not!

*Bowing*

What the hell am I doing?! Why am I bowing to someone as tall as my legs?!

"And who is this man?" Remilia questioned.

Ask me yourself damnit! I have a freaking mouth and a will to answer! Eh? Why do I want to answer her? Why do I feel this need to obey her? It must be my imagination.

"An intrud—", I glared at her pleadingly. My sugar levels are too low! Let me stay in this red mansion!

"A magical tome salesman here to see Lady Patchouli, Lady Remilia".

"I see. I wish you a hospitable stay at the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Sakuya, guide our guest to the Library". Remilia dipped her head slightly in salutation and proceeded back up the staircase.

The air felt much less tense all of a sudden, as if a clog holding back all the oxygen had been opened.

"Thanks for that" I told the maid.

She slapped herself on the forehead. "Why did I help you on a whim? Don't try those puppy-dog eyes again you hear? You are human right? Then you better leave as quickly as possible. Why did you come here anyway?"

"Well… I just wandered here for looking for some nourishment. I havn't eaten in three days and my sugar levels are dangerously low. I might not make it to the next issue of Jump…"

"Jump? Nevermind. Just follow me, I'll get you something to eat but you have to get out of here after that. I already suspect that the Lady does not believe my impromptu story".

I readily followed her. I'm begging more than before. This is bad; at this rate I'll cease to be the main character. I'm becoming more like F*jisaki Y**suke.

*Walking to kitchen*

"Izayoi Sakuya. You mentioned that your name was Sakata Gintoki right?"

"Yes". I do not mean to be rude. I really appreciate all that this maid is doing for me but… I'm currently afflicted by something horrible… I need to shit! I can't possibly ask her where the toilet is now. I have to leave this place as soon as I get some food. This would be too much trouble for this kind maid! Don't torture me stomach!

"Excuse me, but… where is the toilet?". I ASKED HER ANYWAY. Ah… I give up. If I die, I'll die satisfied! No, no! What is with that cold stare that freezes my silver soul?!

"The male's toilet is up the main staircase you saw earlier. From the top of the staircase, turn left and it's the first door along the corridor" she answered, surprisingly calmly and with a smile. I was expecting her to scream at me.

*Toilet*

A long last, the time of glory is here. This toilet is so clean. I almost feel bad to use it. Here goes nothing. Nature is above everything else. I wonder why they have only cubicles like female restrooms…

*Door opens and closes*

Ah! Someone else just entered. I guess it is nothing to worry about. This is a toilet so everyone comes here with similar business intended.

*Feminine humming*

Ah. That was a girl's voice! Why is she in the guy's toilet?! Wait. Calm down Gintoki. That maid surely wouldn't have tricked me. This girl must just be mistaken or maybe… maybe it's just a boy who sounds like a girl like L*ffy. Why am I climbing up the door to peek? I feel like a pervert. GAH. It's a girl, a beautiful woman at that.

That bitch of a maid must have tricked me! I thought it was weird that the men's bathroom had only cubicles! Now what do I do? Wait, keep calm. I just need to stay in here until she leaves. The second she does, I'll make a run for it and possibly kill that maid after she feeds me.

*Door opens and closes*

She must be gone. Now's my chance. I have to hightail it out of here before anyone else enters.

*Exits cubicle*

Now just to wash my hands and I'm out of her—crap.

*Door half-opened*

She came back! She's staring at me like I'm some pervert. This feels really good for an M but that's not the point! Eh? She's moving closer to me? Is she going to activate her punish me?!

"Hello there" she started. "I am Patchouli Knowledge, keeper of the magic library here in the Scarlet Devil Mansion".

"H-Hello, I-I am Sakata Gintoki of the Yorozuya". Again! Why am I introducing my job as though it were part of my name?! I think I'm sweating too much. My boots feel heavier than before! They must be filled with my sweat!

"Please remain calm. I shan't lie by saying that I am not surprised to see a man here after quite a few centuries but, you seem harmless".

"Thank you…". Is she degrading me? Insulting me? I may look like I am going to wet my pants but don't underestimate me! I just have a lack of sugar is all!

"A lack of sugar you say?" she asked.

I didn't say that! I thought it! She's reading my mind! She's reading this too! Why am I still going on?!

"Ahaha, please follow me. I see that Sakuya has inconvenienced you in her anger. I trust you will forgive her? She did save you, using my name as an excuse".

"Ah, sorry about that", I apologized scratching the back of head. She beckoned me to follow her.

*The Library*

How did I end up in the library?! Anyway, I should just go with the flow here and everything will be fine.

"Please, have a seat. Make yourself comfortable. I trust Remilia already knows that you lied. I will have Sakuya bring your 'sugar', here".

She's too nice! I feel like crying! I might already my tearing at the corner of my eyes. She reminds me so much of a certain woman in Yoshiwara!

"Ah, I just realized it and I hope I'm not being rude but, why are you floating?" OR HOW ARE YOU FLOATING? GIMME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY.

"Oho, I am a witch. Rest assured, I am not interested in you as a test subject. Rather, I am intrigued by your audacity. Please tell me; what could possibly propel a human such as yourself, to enter the Scarlet Devil Mansion all alone?"

"I- I am not from here, literally. Some woman name Yukari kidnapped me from my world and threw me in here. Wait. You are a witch? Do you think you could find a way to send me back to my world? I'll do anything to get out of here!"

"O, you discredit Gensoukyou too much. It really is a lovely place. I suspect you simply had gone to the wrong places, such as this one. This, dear child, is not a place for humans".

'Dear child'? I look like I can be your father!

"Do not be deceived. I am much older than you, despite my deceptive features".

Ah, we have a complexion-complex here. Wait. If she could hear me in my previous thought, why am I insulting her in my head? AHH!

*Chuckles*

"Don't worry. I find you amusing, not insulting. Now about your request. I suppose it is simple enough to transfer you out of Gensoukyou in theory but the forces required are beyond my capabilities. I may be a witch but the proportions you seek are only present in a few, elite demons; Demons such as Yukari. Thus, I cannot help you. What I can do however, is suggest you visit the Moriya Shrine. Search for Sanae and explain to her your predicament as you did with me. She should be able to assist you accordingly".

I wonder what kind of character Sanae will be. No one normal, I can vouch for that!

"On the contrary, Mr. Sakata. Sanae is very much a character you will find comforting, here in this foreign and unknown land. She is a nice girl and tries to help anyone, mortal or not, if it is in her power. Also… I feel that you will be… mesmerized by her".

"Mesmerized? Why would I be mesmerized?"

"Ah, you will understand exactly why when you visit her".

I see. This lady is quite mysterious. DON'T MESS WITH ME. GIVE ME ALL THE DETAILS! I DON'T WANT TO SEE A TENTACLE MONSTER HOLDING PORN MAGAZINES WITH THE NAME OF SANAE!

*Clearing of throat*

"Your… 'meal', Mr. Sakata" announced Sakuya as she arrived at the library's entrance.

"You surely do enjoy your sugary treats, Mr. Sakata" said Patchouli as she laughed.

I wanted to reply to her. Patchouli has done so much for me, really. BUT I'M TOO BUSY STUFFING MY FACE WITH PARFAITS THAT MAID MADE!

*After stuffing my face*

"Thank you so much for covering for me. I might have been dead right now if you hadn't had stepped in".

*Leaving the library*

"O yes. One more thing Mr. Sakata. If, in your departure from this mansion, you find your surroundings somewhat peculiar, brace your mind and ignore it. You might see things you do not understand. However, rest assured that these are simply harmless illusions of the spirit of mansion. Yes, the mansion itself is supernatural in its nature. That is why this place is not for humans or the weak-willed".

I nodded my head respectfully and bowed, then turning back towards the door before I was stopped once more in my tracks.

"Mr. Sakata. I know I said that those illusions are harmless but… there exists more in this mansion than illusions alone. If you happen to see a young blonde girl, doing anything; calling you, taunting you, ignore her and proceed on. You will pay dearly should you disregard my warning. I wish you a good day ahead then, Mr. Sakata".

I exited the library. What is Patchouli saying? This house is haunted? I'm not scared of g-g-ghosts. Only that damned Hijikata is terrified of them!

Ah, this mansion is so huge even the hallways are big. They make Otose's bar look like an ant! I'm trying my best to get outta this place but it's just too huge; it never seems to end.

*10 minutes later*

I feel like I am still walking in the same place, over and over. What is this gnawing sensation? The end of the hallway with the staircase seems to be growing further as I walk faster! What's with this crazy place?!

"Do you like playing in circles Mister?" asked a young voice from behind me. I turned around to find a young blonde girl in a red dress, sitting on the floor. How long was she there? Have I been too caught up in escaping that I failed to realize her presence?

Ah! This is what Patchouli warned me about; the young blonde girl! I am supposed to ignore her. Oi oi, not you too blonde girl. Does everyone in this place have wings? Patchouli and Sakuya didn't but I doubt they are human from where this is going!

I have to ignore her and keep walking. Damned staircase keeps moving further and further.

*Sprinting forward*

It's no use. The staircase seems to recede further away the faster I move. If these are illusions, why aren't they dispelled by now? My will to get out of here is stronger than ever!

"Hey Mister, come play with me", repeated the blonde girl. What is this urge to respond? I know I have to ignore her but… something is forcing me to turn and look at her again. I'm resisting against my neck so much it's gonna break!

*Tugs on my kimono*

Uh, she's standing next to me, pulling on my kimono! I can see her in the side of my eye. What should I do? Anymore of this and my body feels like it will break!

*I turned*

If I speak smoothly with an excuse I'm sure she'll understand. "Little girl, I have to go now. I can't play right now". Eh? She's pouting? Is she going to cry? Ah this is bad! I made a child cry! What's worse is that I didn't even get any candy in the process! What a waste!

Eh? She's not crying. She's staring at me, staring straight into my eyes. What is this overwhelming feel on me? I can't breathe. My body won't move damnit! This has to be this blonde girl's doing. She's doing something inhuman, make it stop, somebody! Patsuan, Kagura, your favourite Silver haired an*me main character is getting killed here! Help me or the an*me will end! I'm blacking out!

"Flandre, that's enough playing with the guest. He seems tired, let him go for today" interrupted another voice.

Suddenly the invisible pressure on my chest subsided and I could breathe again. I found myself on all fours, coughing for air violently. What just happened here?

That voice was Remilia's. She saved me for some reason. Is it her turn now? What's with this place?

"You are welcome, Mr. Sakata" she said.

I didn't thank you or your freaky mansion! Just let me get out of here!

What was that name just now? Flandre? That blonde girl crushed me without even touching me. Exactly what was I dealing with? I have so many unanswered questions right now but all that can wait. I need to get outta here as soon as possible.

Bowing my head to Remilia for saving me from Flandre, I began to walk again. The corridor's distance seemed normal again; the staircase was not fleeing from me in its master's presence. I hurried along down the stairs, rejoicing internally at the sight of the massive, scarlet doors.

*Exiting the mansion*

Have you realized by this point that I have not used my sword? That's because everyone here seems to be perfectly skilled, even inhumanly skilled, literally.

I waltzed over to the gate to find the gatekeeper Meiling awake. You are awake when an intruder leaves the mansion? Perfect employees, truly perfect.

"Halt, who goes there?" she shouted at my face.

"I'm leaving, let it go, China". Eh? Why did I call her 'China'? I guess she has the same feel as Kagura.

"China?! Hong Meiling will snap you in half!" and she pounced on me. I'm not an expert in kung fu or anything but… are bolts of thin, blue energy supposed to come shoot out of your hands? This mansion, from the residents to the gatekeeper, seems bent on keeping me inside of it.

"Just let me leave this stupid mansion!" I shouted as I ran in circles, a derange kung fu psychopath chasing me eagerly with the intent of snapping me in half. Is it just me or is this a recurring theme?

I ran back to door and stood my ground. Hopefully this works. As expected, she tried to smash down my head. I dodge and made a run for the exit.

*Outside the gate*

"Ahahaha, I got you! Total China noob!" and I ran off before the angry monster started 'Bite-Gin's-Head-Off-Round 2'.

Hmph. I'm finally out of that ghostly mansion, alive at that. And so, I would like to thank all my fans and ask you to continue support the series! Let's go for a thousand episodes! Mwahah! Ah, I still need to get out of Gensoukyou… well let's get started. To Moriya Shrine! Wait… where is Moriya Shrine?


	3. Blondes & Brooms

Chapter 3 :

Yo, it's been awhile since I've talked to you, or thought to you, I guess. It's only been a few hours here in Gensoukyou, filled with aimless wandering upon the realization that I did not ask anyone where Moriya Shrine was. My fate is really cursed huh? 'Well what now?', you may ask. I have no answer for you except to keep walking until I run into another building or something, preferably filled with humans who can't kill me. I wonder how Shinpachi and Kagura are faring without me, their beloved Gin.

*Meanwhile in Gintoki's world*

"Oi Shinpachi, don't eat my sukonbu-aru!"

"There isn't any choice, Sadaharu ate all our food and we don't have any money left. It feels like we're missing something really important though".

"I don't feel anything-aru. Just give me back my sukonbu-aru!"

*Back to Gensoukyou*

Yea… I'm sure they are super-worried and crying in separate corners of my house right now… They just can't live without me.

Enough worrying about those two, worry more about me. I'm the main character here, not some floating spectacles and a girl with demonic strength. What if I never get back? These thoughts started floating into my head around three days ago. So what if they started flowing in when I was stranded at Hakurei Shrine?! Don't judge me!

And so I walked for another forty days and nights, or at least it felt like that. It might be four minutes, but who cares about the details! Ah, Gintoki, let's think, instead of this senseless wandering. If Hakurei Shrine was in a slightly secluded place, Moriya Shrine should be in a similar place. That narrows down the places I can check to… AHH! I don't even know how to navigate Gensoukyou! There's no point! I'm going to die here! Goodbye Jump, parfaits, strawberry milk! O and Patsuan and Kagura too. Ara! Thank you God, you follow Gintama right? That's why your saving me with divine grace right!

It's a shrine. It has to be Moriya Shrine!

*Rush inside*

Ah. "Thank you God~ Even though fate is mischievous~". I don't see anyone who would look like a Sanae. I see someone who would look like a Reimu and some other blonde girl lying on the floor, clearly flashing me with her bloomers.

"Hey Reimu! Do you think you can let me stay another night?"

"Get. Out". Tch, what a selfish pancake. Don't I get compensation for being flashed? This is indecency I say! An outrage of modesty! What will happen to my pure heart?

"Oi Reimu, who is that? A friend?" asked the blonde girl.

Oi oi, don't be rude! Introduce yourself first before asking another's name bloomers! No one here has any respect like we learn in Edo!

"Ah ah sorry, name's Kirisame Marisa. Nice to meet you Mr…?"

"Sakata Gintoki. A friend of Reimu's". Ah, now I feel bad. This blondie seems more polite than that red armpit.

"You are not my friend, slacker. Get out of this shrine! You stole the offerings in the donation box!" accused Reimu.

"Huh? Reimu, you finally got some offerings? That's great news, let's splurge!"

"Shush Marisa".

Oi oi, if you are trying to scam me then at least work together in a proper team! This is more make-shift than a last minute high school maid café full of fat girls in bunny suits! Put more effort into it damnit, I'm worth the damned trouble!

"I didn't steal any offerings you lying table! Fufu!". I'm really proud of myself for laughing like that.

"You did steal it, I saw you!" she continued to lie. Ah this is pissing me off. It's time to use my most powerful comeback.

"Elizabeth~". With that I ran out of the shrine, knowing I won't get any sleep there tonight. Well, I'm back to squa—WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

*Picked up by a blonde girl on a speeding broom*

"Ara… Marisa… could you put me down? I don't adjust well with heights. I'm gonna puke any second. You've been warned!"

"Sorry Gintoki but Reimu wanted me to catch you. I don't usually use this speed on other humans".

"You said… other? Then you're human too? Finally, another human aside from that pancake!"

"Pancake? Whatever, we're going down anyhow. Hold on tight Gintoki" and Marisa swooped down to the ground and landed from the broom.

I just realized something I shouldn't have. Marisa is dressed in monochrome garments, a giant hat and flies on a broom. Is she a… witch? PLEASE TELL ME SHE'S COSPLAYING~

*Back in the shrine*

Let's do that again. "Yo Reimu, can I stay here for the night?"

"No. Get out. Return the money and then, get out".

Ah this armpit maiden is so freaking selfish! I wanna slap her with that flat chest of hers! Ah… she pisses me off! I noticed that Marisa was slowly approaching me the entire time as the room filled itself with lightning between Reimu and me. She had slowly crawled from sitting next to Reimu and now was sitting next to me. Her intent stare was directed at my pants. Has this girl reached an unstable point of puberty?!

She reached for my pants and pulled it out, my sword that is. What were you thinking? What a bunch of perverted bastards you are.

"Ho, this is interesting, check this out Reimu. It's a wooden sword. I've never seen anything like it. I've only seen Youmu's swords but this is made of wood!" and she kept on rambling about my wooden sword. This girl seems to have a wood fetish. I can't imagine what'd she be like if she lived in forest… but what are the odds right?

"Marisa, do you live here?" I asked but I was ignored as she continued to stare and occasionally rub my wooden sword, eyes sparkly. Stop it Marisa! I feel like my sword is getting violated by your immodest touch! It's a wooden sword and I have dozens of spares at home so give it back already!

"Here you go, thanks" and she gave it back. I hate to say this but Marisa is actually pretty cute, much better than that bimbo shrine maiden.

"Do you live here Marisa?" I asked out of courtesy once more.

"No, I just slack here most of the time when I'm not fooling around in my lab".

Fooling around in your lab? What kind of kinky things do you do there? No wait, you're still a minor, I could get arrested for asking! This time, Marisa crawled straight towards me. The sparkly look in her eyes changed to a darker shade, making her eyes look extremely creepy.

*A minute later*

Ah, this is freaking awkward! Why is Marisa sitting on my lap?! Reimu seems to be ignoring this but I'm sure she's full of disgusting thoughts right now! I am too, what the hell should I do here? Moving would be rude to the only 'normal' human I know but not moving would show agreement. Eek, she's staring into my eyes! She's reaching for my pants again!

STOP TAKING MY WOODEN SWORD GODDAMNIT! "This is just too cool to give back. Can I have it?"

NO! "I need that sword in case anything happens" I tried to explain.

If you give it to me, I'll show you around Gensoukyou. How about it?" and she winked. How badly does this girl want that sword?! I feel pity for her already!

"I'd have to refuse that. I don't know where I'm going next you see. Could you just tell me where Moriya Shrine is?" O no, Reimu is smiling. She knows something about Moriya shrine. What isn't she telling me? Is Sanae really a horny tentacle monster?!

"Moriya Shrine is on Youkai Mountain. Good luck getting there" said Reimu. What is this girl hiding? Wait, mountain? I have to scale a mountain now? I don't deserve this! Yukari forgive me already!

"I can take you there on my broom… if you give me that sword" stated Marisa cheekily. This seems like a business transaction, not a request. Quick, decide Gintoki. Mountain or sword? Which consumes less of my sugar energies? What would K*bo T*ito make Kur*saki Ich*go do here? He would be badass and scale the mountain while protecting his sword, I can't do that! I need the sword in any case, at least until I return to Edo. Besides… this sword… nevermind.

"I'll scale the mountain, show me the way" I said triumphantly. Ah~ The look on Reimu's face is so worth the pain I'll get later. Hopefully my sugar levels are high enough to blast through the mountain!

*In front of Youkai Mountain, the base*

Amazingly, Reimu was the one who guided me here. Actually, it makes sense that she'd want me to vacate. So I'm here, with my sword, spared from Marisa's fetish.

"Gintoki" she called out.

I looked to her silently as I mentally prepared myself for climbing the mountain.

"If you see her, tell her I said 'hi'" and Reimu walked away… arrogant little armpit. I wonder who 'her' was. Was Reimu referring to Sanae or someone else? Or was she just messing with my head in the hope that I'll be too distracted climbing the mountain and fall to my horrendous death? What a cheesy way of doing things.

I inhaled deeply and thrust my first hand onto the craggy face of the mountain.

"Hey you, stop. You don't have permission to climb the mountain. You'll probably die if you tried by yourself anyway" started another female voice. Is this place full of girls? Where are all the men?

I rotated my head in an attempt to see who was talking to me. This girl wasn't human, I could tell from her horns. Two long horns protruding out of her head, a giant Sake gourd held by a single slender arm and many heavy chains on her colorful outfit. So far I've seen shrine maidens, vampires and witches. What's next?


	4. Annoying Affairs

Chapter 4 :

Ogres. That answers my own question I guess. I was supposed to be climbing the mountain. How the hell did I end up in a small mountain cave, drinking with a short ogre? I've down'd twenty five cups so far and I'm about done. This ogre has drunk so many more cups' worth from that gourd that I've lost count. And yet, she's not even a tiny bit drunk. I also find it weird that that gourd never seems to run dry of Sake.

Anyway, how did I end up here you ask? Well, when I first met this ogre, she stopped and cautioned me as I was about to scale the mountain. When I resisted, I was pulled roughly across the ground all the way until I lost consciousness. Soon after, I woke up in this cave with an ogre beckoning me to drink. Is she testing me? I need to act carefully here; her strength was definitely no joke…

The odd part about this is that neither of us has spoken out yet.

"Are you drunk yet? Hello~" and she waved her hands.

I am quite drunk. I can't say that though.

"N-no, not yet". I'm putting on a brave face although I know I couldn't possibly stand straight right now.

"Ahaha! What an interesting human. Most humans die by the time they drink this much of my special Oni Sake. I like you. Shall I refill your glass?" and she offered with her Sake gourd.

"I'm fine. Thanks for the offer". I thought that the Sake tasted odd. It feels as though… O crap. I just fell to the floor. My body isn't responding to commands. It should be pretty obvious that I am drunk. Eh? She's approaching me. Why is she coming here? Stop! I fear your monstrous strength! Don't hurt me!

I'm now being carried by a girl. I feel horribly ashamed! This girl is shorter than Kagura but possibly stronger! Is that how it works? The shorter, the stronger. Then I'm… nevermind.

"Sorry but I can't have you see where I'm going. This might hurt a little".

Crap! That hurt. I'm losing consciousness—

Ahh, the floor is cold. It must be tiled. This place… this place looks like Remilia's mansion! Did she throw me here again?! No wait, the colors are different. This place looks bigger, much bigger. Ok, if there's one thing I learned about mansions in Gensoukyou, it's that I need to leave as soon as possible. Exit, exit, where can I find the exit?

"You've finally awakened Mr. Gintoki! I have been waiting for you" started a new voice.

The voice echoed throughout the entire hall and I couldn't find the source. It's as if the sound is being reproduced from every part of the hall.

"I'm right behind you, you know. I am Komeiji Satori" said the same voice.

I turned around to find a short girl with a frilly dress. EEK! She has an eyeball hanging around her like a necklace! I gotta get outta here!

"Excuse me little girl", I'm going to try, "where is the exit of this mansion?"

"Well that's rude. Calling someone older than you a 'little girl' is a clear demonstration of your improper etiquette. Regardless, we have more important business to attend to".

She's older than me? Judging from what I've seen here so far, I'm not too surprised. Fufufu, sadly little girl, you'll remain little until you grow 'big' there!

Covering her chest in embarrassment, Satori said, "How lewd you are! Under usual circumstances, I would have such filth excreted from my Palace of the Earth Spirits immediately! Unfortunately for me, I must allow you to soil this ground awhile longer. You see Mr. Gintoki, I require your help. Rather, it is your duty to correct this catastrophe as you yourself are the causal factor".

"Wait wait wait wait wait! What are you accusing me of exactly?!"

I havn't done anything to anyone in Gensoukyou! Don't accuse me like I have!

"You did not need to Mr. Gintoki. The problem lingers regardless".

Wow, this girl just read my mind like Patchouli. I can't be too careful around her.

"That, Mr. Gintoki, is the precise nature of this predicament. Mr. Gintoki, I possess the innate ability to read the minds of others and as such, the minds of animals as well. Understand that animals are much more sensitive as compared to sapiens with regards to matters of the world. Due to these facts, I often procure information unknown to the world otherwise. It is not unlike Yukari to frequently fool around with the temporal axes of multiple dimensions. However, this time, in kidnapping you, the temporal axis has been destabilized to a greater extent than ever before. Since your arrival here, your constant interaction with the locals of this plane has only served to exacerbate said instability. This plane is quite eager to reject you. The animals have told me, Mr. Gintoki, that should the temporal axis of this dimension get any more unstable than its current state, Gensoukyou bears a horrendously high possibility of being absorbed and erased. Even as I discuss this with you, our dimension is being absorbed by yours at a truly breathtaking pace".

"How can one person like me, possibly cause the entire Gensoukyou to get absorbed?!"

"One person is more than enough for this feat Mr. Gintoki. We are dealing with forces beyond our control".

"Mr. Gintoki, I also understand you were abducted by my subordinate, Suika in your attempt to leave this world. I can tell you honestly, the Sky Goddess Kanako of Moriya Shrine will neither be willing nor be able to help you in this task. Even, if under some special circumstance, Kanako manages to muster enough magic to send you back, you would be returned here immediately. Yukari manages the dimensions. What I am trying to say, Mr. Gintoki, is that unless you convince Yukari to allow to you leave; you have no chance of returning to your world".

"I can't wait that long! I'm sure I'll be dead before she's had enough fun! Is there any other way?"

"Unfortunately Mr. Gintoki, I do not have an answer for you. All I know is that the axis of this dimension will not last much longer. To reverse the effect of the temporal pull, we need exactly two people from that side to come here. With my resources, I can make that happen. However, the part I require your help with is the essence of person. Only you can direct which person is summoned here".

"I know the perfect pair. When can we get started?"

*Two hours later*

This really reminds me of F*llM*t*l Alch*m*st. You cannot learn anything without pain and that was definitely painful! On the bright side, Satori has told me that the summoning process was successful. Unfortunately, we cannot even pinpoint the general location where they landed. All we know now is that a certain pair of people from Edo is somewhere in Gensoukyou. Who did I summon? Well you'll just have to find out a bit later. By the way, I am currently riding on one of Satori's servants by the name of Utsuho. I've been instructed to call her Okuu though, why I don't know. Well, I need to find those idiots as soon as possible so let's hurry.

"Okuu, up, up and away!"

"Don't make fun of me! I am aware that Lady Satori as instructed you to address me as such but don't use that name is such a belittling manner! One more thing. I know that for the past thirty minutes, you've been staring my breasts! I hate indecent men like you. I'm trembling in anger so much that I can't even fly properly! Just stop bothering me and let me get one with my work!"

Fufufu, she realized. I wonder if she also realized that I've been waiting for a chance to look up her skirt. I probably shouldn't say anything though. I may not live long enough after.

"I'm sorry Okuu. Since we're going to work together, we should get along. What say you?"

After a deep sigh, she replied, "I may have misjudged you Gintoki. I'm sorry for ranting like that. I'll try to go faster. We should start at Hakurei Shrine. It's a very likely place since it's the only civilization in a remote location".

Eh, I need to see that pancake again? Well at least I'm being guided by Birdboobs here.

"Gintoki, hold on. I'm going to land. It may be too fast for you".

"Hold on to _what_?"

"Just brace yourself" and she flew down.

O god o god this is fast! Stop! Make it stop! Time for a rest Birdboobs! Stop!

*On the ground*

"Land… sweet sweet land!"

I am currently hugging the ground. I may have just developed a fear of heights. Tch, Okuu is laughing at me. Wait… from this position, I should be able to… nevermind.

"Stop right there! Ha-Ha-Ha! I am the strongest! You have no chance of escape! Ha-Ha-Ha!" came a new voice from my left.

Another weirdo. Here we go again!


	5. Dolls & Damsels

Chapter 5:

"Where the hell am I?" grumbled Hijikata as he rubbed his injured head, bleeding from the sudden dimensional warp. He stood, sighed and reached into his uniform's pocket for a cigarette. Hijikata suddenly froze as his eyes slowly widened. He shuffled around in his pocket restlessly.

"Shit. I'm out of tobacco…"

In his disappointment, he reached into his other pocket and brought out a small jar of mayonnaise.

"At least Mayo will never desert me. Where the hell am I anyway? I'm gonna kill whoever brought me here!"

Hijikata was surrounded by a thick, deep forest. All he could see for miles was trees, trees and more trees. Little sunlight made it to the bottom, making it hard to see. _No use standing around I guess._

_Tch. Where the hell am I? Seriously, all I see are trees. This is friggin' annoying… I need a smoke…_ and he reached into his pocket once more only to feel disappointment's bitter taste all over again. _Damn it all._

Hijikata walked straight through the forest. He found no better alternative than to do so.

*Two hours later*

_Even I have my stamina… it's all burned out by now though… walking for two hours and no friggin' sign of anything but more trees! Wait. What's that? Is that smoke?! TABACCO?!_

Hijikata sprinted towards the source of the smoke. It ended up – to his dismay – as a house instead of his preferred tobacco. _Tch. A chimney, what a useless waste of smoke. It'd do better in my mouth. At least I'll get some clues as to where the hell I am..._

*Knock Knock*

_Hmm. No answer._

*Knock Knock*

_Guess I'll enter. It's open too. _"I'm entering…"

_This place is clean. Lemme see if can find any tobacco first though. _

After searching relentlessly, Hijikata finally gave up on his fruitless hunt for tobacco and fell onto arm chair. "Doesn't anyone friggin' smoke in this place?!" he shouted in a mixture of frustration and fatigue.

*Yawn*

_Eh… I can't fall asleep… not… here…_

Hijikata's eyes cracked open. His head had fallen and he found himself on the same arm chair that he collapsed on before. "Tch. I'm glad Sougo didn't see that".

"Ahmm" came a sound from somewhere in the room.

Hijikata raised his head to find a blonde girl sitting in front of him. Her dressing was predominantly English, with a gothic Lolita element, only in lighter, happier colors. He noticed that a cup of tea with a saucer had been set in front of him, steam slightly seeping still. He sobered.

Hijikata rose to his feet, knocking over the cup of tea on the nearby table. "Ah… Sorry". _Why the hell am I panicking? Well… nevermind. She hasn't said a word yet._

"And you are?" the girl started.

"Shinsengumi Vice Captain, Hijikata Toushiro". _Does that rank even mean anything here? It doesn't look like I'm Japan. At least I'm in the presence of a foreigner. This girl can't be Japanese._

"Shinsengumi? Nevermind. My name is Alice Margatroid. What are you doing in my house?"

"Eh… I-I found myself in this forest. I walked straight until I caught sight of a house. I don't know how I got here either".

"You don't remember anything?"

"I remember taking out my last cigarette and lighting it. The next thing I knew I ended up here, in this forest".

"Did you realize that you were bleeding Mr Shinsengumi?"

_Mr Shinsengumi… WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?_

"It's nothing serious. Just a small wound on my head".

"You are still bleeding you know".

Hijikata wiped the blood of his head with his arm. _I guess I didn't realize with all this going on. Tch. I don't like this tension. It feels like she's going to bite me. _

"I'll get you a towel". Alice walked to the inner room and picked out a towel, returning shortly after, passing it to Hijikata.

"Thanks". _Why is it so hard to talk to her…?_

"Where is this? This is not Japan is it?"

"We're in the forest of magic, Gensoukyou. I've never heard of 'Japan' though. Where is that?"

_Ehh…eh? Even cute girls shouldn't shake a man down like that. Don't mess with me girl. I'm tempted to cut you right now"._

"Hello? Are you listening?"

"Ah… Gensoukyou? Of course I knew it was Gensoukyou. My cousin sister Youmu is from Gensoukyou". _WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING? WHAT IF THERE ACTUALLY A PERSON CALLED YOUMU? SINCE WHEN DO I HAVE A COUSIN SISTER?_

"O Youmu? She's living in Hakugyokurou with Yukuko".

"O-o? Is that so. I heard she moved… ha-ha-ha". _SHIT._

"Are you okay Mr Shinsengumi? You seem to be sweating a lot. Its actually pretty cold right now…"

"Ah, I'm fine. Just fine. I think I'll be going now. Goodbye and thank you Alice". Hijikata began his robotic walk to the door. Sweat was running streams down the back of his shirt. He just needed to escape this precarious situation, immediately.

"O wait, Mr Shinsengumi. If you are going to Hakugyokurou, I'll bring you there myself. I have some business there as well you see".

"That won't be necessary, I know the way quite well". _Yea... I know the way… to hell…_

"I insist. Since we're both headed there, why not together? It will be safer with two people anyway" and she let put on a cute grin.

"I guess so… ha-ha-ha". _Is there no arguing with this girl? Why is she forcing herself on this trip. Wait a minute. I'm in this Gensoukyou place. How am I going to get out of here? It might not be such a bad idea after all…_

"You've convinced me. Let's get going then".

"I'm afraid I can neither do that nor allow you to. These woods are quite dangerous at this time of… night. You can spend the night here"

_Doesn't she have any sense of self-protection?! Asking a grown man to spend a night in her house!_

"You can sleep on that chair from just now. See you tomorrow" and Alice walked off into the inner room.

"So that's what she meant…".

*Next Morning*

"Wake up Mr Shinsengumi. Wake up. It's time to leave. We'll never make it before nightfall if we don't leave now".

Alice was shaking Hijikata's hand violently. The latter slowly opened his eyes, his vision still blurred.

"Nn? Ah… Alice. We're leaving already…? What time is it…? WOAH you're close!"

Alice's face was directly in front of Hijikata's, with extreme levels of proximity.

"Well… You just wouldn't wake up when I called you. I even hit you a few times. I have no choice but to kiss you".

"You… YOU WHAT?"

"I'm just joking, please calm down!" she said as she clasped her stomach and began to laugh, her eyes tearing.

"Stop fooling around like that!" Hijikata snapped. Alice's laughter stopped altogether. "L-let's go".

_What the hell is with this girl?! Doesn't she know what kind of jokes to make with who?! She… looks… sad. Did I overdo it?_

"Sorry for snapping. It's just that I need a smoke, badly".

"It's alright. I deserved that. Actually, there might be a place you can get a cigarette in our route. I don't know how you smoke those infernal smelling things though".

"I'm just used to it".

_As long as she doesn't pick on mayonnaise, I have nothing against her_.

*An hour of walking later*

_It seems that we're conserving energy by not talking throughout our journey. It's probably because she's still angry about just now though. I don't know._

"Are you still angry about just now?" _I'll never get why I'm being so nice all of a sudden._

"Quite. Do you want to say sorry?"

"I already did".

"Not like that. I mean, like this" and she tossed her bag onto me.

"Wai—what?"

"Carry that bag as compensation for ruining my mood in the morning!"

"Eh…?" _Sigh. What have I gotten myself into…_

*Some time later*

"We're almost at our first stop, Keine's place".

"Keine? Is she a friend of yours?"

"You could say that. We're more of acquaintances though. Don't you feel tired carrying that? It's almost noon. We've been walking for five hours or so".

"Hmph. This is nothing compared to what I bare daily at my job".

Alice made a teasing gesture about how muscular Hijikata's slim frame was. _I'll ignore that one_.

"Keine! Keine are you home?"

*Door opens*

"Of course she's not. She teaches at the human village in the day time".

_O? This girl looks odd. Her hair is extremely long… and white? Reminds me of that idiot. What a bad thought. She has some sense of style though, hands in her pockets. Pants?_

"Hmm? Who is this Alice?"

"His name is Mr. Shinsengumi, a relative of Konpaku Youmu". _DOES SHE REALLY BELIEVE THAT?_

"Why did you bring him here? Hakugyokurou's still a far distance away".

"He needs one of those disgusting cigarettes. Apparently he gets snappy without them" and Alice squinted her eyes at Hijikata.

"Why should I give you one? What can you give me in return?"

"ITS JUST ONE NOW HAND IT OVER!" shouted Hijikata, drawing his sword.

"You sure you wanna fight me kid? I haven't had a warm up for Kaguya yet. Bring it".

"Please stop this, you two! Mokou, do it for me, just once".

"Tch, keep your pants on hotshot. I'll go get one".

_I'm finally gonna get some tobacco in my system! My eyes might be red already!_

"Just one you hear? Don't come back here" and Mokou threw a cigarette at Hijikata. "Now get lost kid".

_Tch. I wanna cut her up so bad!_

"Let's go Mr. Shinsengumi!" and Alice pulled Hijikata's hand along, in a slightly hurried pace.

"You shouldn't do that! Mokou is immortal!"

"As in, she can't die?"

"Something like that. Anyway she's the wrong person to pick a fight with".

_O. This girl is still holding my hand. I guess she doesn't realize. _

"I think it'll be better if we got more distance from Keine's as far as possible".

*After some more running*

"Hah, Mr Shinsengumi, let's take a break. I do not have the stamina you have" claimed Alice, panting and holding her knees.

*Knodding head*_ Tobacco feeds me endless energy!_

"Come join me Mr. Shinsengumi. This water really rejuvenates you" and she smiled lightly.

Hijikata walked over to the river where Alice was dipping her feet. She was swaying her legs slightly to make small splashes in the flowing stream.

_Why am I standing here and staring at her? I feel… peaceful? She doesn't show any signs of hatred or hostility whatsoever. Just like someone who's pure white on the inside. Eh? What am I doing? I sat down next to her. Stop, I can't go any further. I don't even know where I am. Tch, my body isn't listening to me. My heart rate is getting faster too. I'm holding her hand. She's squeezing my hand so tight too. Why doesn't she let go? Why don't I… want to let go? Don't look at me with those eyes Alice. Those eyes want me to do something I know I shouldn't. Snap out of it!_

"I think we should get going. We've wasted too much time here" Hijikata interrupted. _She looks… disappointed._

"Yea, your right. Let's go".

*Nearing nightfall*

"We're almost at Hakugyokurou. We'll reach before midnight".

_I can't seem to answer her. Those eyes, I've seen them elsewhere. Those cursed eyes that burden! I hate them. I hate myself for not being to answer those requests. I want to, but can't. Not in a weird place like this._

"Hijikata. We're here. Before you go in though, don't stare at any spirits you might see. They probably won't harm you but still, not all of them are nice".

Hijikata gulped down a huge ball of saliva. _W-w-why ghosts of all things. Why did I choose such a horrible place to be incredibly lucky about?!_

"Thanks for everything Alice".

"My destination is a bit south of here. This is where we depart. If… If you are ever in the Forest of Magic again, come give me a visit okay?"

"I, I will".

_She's running off. Why do I feel sad? Wait… Are those tears falling near her footsteps? Is she crying? It's too late now. I'll have to check it out after I find a way back. Wait for me, Alice. _


	6. Magnificent Moons

Chapter 6:

_Okuu! Stop this madness! I can't fly no matter how hard I try! I have tried in the past!_ _BirdBoob is trying to push me off a cliff. How did I end up here? Well, let's start from the beginning like Ste*ns; G*te._

*Rewind*

_Previously on Gintoki's Travels, I encountered a strange being; short, idiotic and winged. Apparently, she is an ice fairy that goes by the name Cirno. No last name, shrouded in idiocy… I mean mystery. Directly after announcing that Okuu and I had no chance for escape, she began to flutter around._

"Ha-Ha-Ha! Behold my flying speed! Can your eyes keep up? Ha-Ha-Ha!".

_Why are all the weird ones attracted to me?! I just want to get home!_

"Cirno. Under normal circumstance I would not bother with your antics. But right now, time is of the essence. Can you bother someone else?" said Okuu, tilting her body slightly to the front to emphasize her point, left hand of her hip. Cirno just stared at Okuu for a second without any motion. She suddenly started to speak again after a brief moment.

"Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha! Behold my flying speed! Can your eyes keep up? Ha-Ha-Ha!".

_WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! I don't get her. Is she a menacing threat or an idiot? Probably the latter. Either way, she's wasting time… something we lack greatly right now. Okuu is right. Perhaps it is time for me to step in. She seems to be having a hard time with this one._

"Ano… Cirno was it? I don't have time to spend with someone as strong as you. I am afraid you see, since you are so strong. So can you not hurt us and let us pass?"

"Gintoki what are you sayi—"

"Shh!", _I quickly silenced Okuu before she ruined my plan. To deal with idiots you need to think like an idiot. That shouldn't prove too difficult for me. Did I just insult myself…?_

"Hmph! Human, you have seen my greatness! I shall have mercy and let you pass… BUT FIRST! Utsuho! Strip naked for arguing with me!" said Cirno, wagging her finger at Utsuho.

"Eh…eh?".

_I can see that Okuu is at a loss for words_._ The plan is in motion. All I can do now is stare at Okuu with pleading eyes to do as she says._

"I—I will not! I'm gonna kill you instead!"

_AHHHHHH OKUU'S BROKEN! She's chasing after Cirno and Cirno's only laughing! Can this situation get any worse? I had to ask. DON'T COME THIS WAY! GET OFF MY BACK CIRNO! HUMANS DON'T LIKE NUCLEAR ENERGY ROASTING THEM!_

"Okuu stop! If you roast me along with this nut, Satori will consider the mission a failure!" I shouted, gesturing both my palms.

_Okuu stopped her rampage. I thought her eyes were red for a second there. She inhaled in a deep breath and exhaled it out. Meanwhile, Cirno is still clinging to my back. I can't remember where I learned this but, here goes nothing. JUUDOU FLIP!_

"Wah!" Cirno shrieked as I slammed her onto the ground.

"You… You win this round weakling! Cirno~~~~~~~ ESCAPE!" and the whole area was suddenly filled with icicles, shooting up from the ground. I quickly jumped backwards while Okuu flew up into the air.

"Gintoki! Are you alright?"

"Somehow…" _I seemed to have hit my ass pretty hard back there. Hopefully nothing is cracked. _

"She's gone. Vanished into ice?"

"She probably flew away during the confusion. Cirno is nothing special".

"I think we've wasted enough time. Let's continue. We were supposed to get to Reimu's right?"

"There is a high chance that your friends are there already".

_I started to walk towards the shrine, not answering Okuu any further. I feel so damn cool right now, like Kur*saki Ich*go. Next thing you know I'll be swinging Zang*tsu and releasing Gets*ga Tens*ou._ _You must be wondering. How did Birdboob end up pushing me off a cliff? Cirno didn't seem to lead to it. She didn't. I think I somewhat deserve it too. _

*After few minutes of walking later*

"Reimu!" called out Okuu, but there was no answer.

"Maybe she's not home. Well let's try to enter anyway".

*Censored*

_I can't fill you in on that section. Reimu isn't that much of a pancake without the sarashi is she? My nosebleed isn't stopping. Okuu is extremely disappointed in me, tossing insults as she pleases. I AM A MAN! _

_Ah, to my nose and little Gintoki. I never thought that the both of you would cause my death. I have always cherished you so and now, because of you two, a giant crow is trying to shove me off a cliff. Well, it was worth it. I can now die happy. Now, back to the present._

"Okuu! Please stop this! I know I saw Reimu naked and my nosebleed hasn't stopped since but have a heart! I'm still a functioning human! I can show you the proof if you—DON'T KICK ME OFF PLEASE! I DON'T WANNA DIE YET!"

"All you men are scum, only lusting after naked women!"

_Could it be that Okuu is actually embarrassed instead of being angry? She doesn't really have anything to be angry about, come to think of it. What can I say to pacify her…? Hmm. Well here goes nothing._

"Okuu! Stop! Your body is much better!"

_Ah! She froze. Perhaps this was the right thing to do. Ah, I think something else is wrong now._

"Pe…Pervert…"

_It is definitely bad if someone points a nuclear weapon at you isn't it? Shit… _

A kunai suddenly flew at Okuu, aimed precisely at her head. With her fast reflexes, Okuu dodged it and flew backwards, disrupting her aim at me.

"Step away from Sakata Gintoki" came a feminine voice. In her hands were another few kunai, all ready to be thrown at well. The blonde figure walked slowly towards my position, gesturing for me to follow her after, never breaking her stare from Okuu.

"Gintoki! We have a job to do!"

I kept shaking my head repeatedly. _Honestly I'm scared stiff of Okuu right now. Her temper is something that could eventually lead to my dissolution, literally._

"Thanks Tsukuyo. You just saved me from that homicidal maniac. Ahh!"

_I just received a kunai to my head._

"What was that for?!" I asked, bleeding from head.

"Knowing you, you probably did something stupid to that poor girl. More importantly, where are we? This is definitely not Japan…"

"This place called Gensoukyou, an alternate dimension. Long story short, I summoned you here to ease a dimensional collision".

"You had to summon me in particular?"

"No, I just had to summon any two people from our world".

"Then… Why did you summon me of all people?!"

"Eh?" _This one is going berserk too? If she goes crazy I won't survive!_

"I-I thought you were dependable enough for me to rely on! That's all"

Tsukuyo turned her face away with a small chuckle.

_I see a small blush on her cheeks. I must have made her shy. I don't want to be alone with her again though, not after the drunk-Tsukuyo incident. O, I almost forgot you were there. That's basically how I almost died… twice from Okuu. Well the Birdbood and I are separated now. She seems to have gone back to hell, probably. Now it's just me and Tsukuyo, looking for the Hijikata. God knows why I summoned him here anyway, probably to watch him survive without cigarettes. I guess after we find him we'll have to visit Satori once more. Well, no harm done I guess._

"Gintoki, stop".

"What is it? Is something wrong?"

"Look over there. It looks like… girl charging towards us at full speed".

"I see her too. Looks like… run!"

_I grabbed Tsukuyo's hand and pulled her in the opposite direction. That was Sakuya, definitely. If she didn't have two knives in her hands I wouldn't be running! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!_

* * *

Author's Note: Mwahahaha! Two chapters before i get blocked from ideas! Chapter 5 is considerably better in my opinion, but I also like Tsukuyo as a character so everything's balanced out. I am using a new style of writing (or typing) if you didn't already realize; the _italicized_ words whenever a character is thinking. Excuse me if you feel that too much Caps is being used because I find it difficult to convey Gintoki's standard reactions otherwise in English. Please continue to support me and do remember to review! Also about the title, "Magnificent Moons", its actually a reference to Tsukuyo (whose name is modeled after Tsukuyomi-No-Mikoto who is the Goddess of the Moon) and... well the other part of it is a dirty joke with reference to Reimu. Sayonara for now =D

~ Russell Satsuki


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